Reasons for not getting married!

(STATUTORY WARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT. PEOPLE WHO HAVE ALREADY FALLEN IN THE TRAP OF MARRIAGE ARE STRONGLY ADVISED NOT TO READ THE FOLLOWING. IF YOU INSIST ON CONTINUING, YOU MAY SUFFER FROM REALITY SHOCKS AND IRREGULAR BOWEL MOVEMENTS.)

While I’m writing this, 66.72% of my beloved friends have got married or are contemplating marriage. And, needless to say, this question of whether it is really important to get married or not has been doing the rounds in my cerebral columns for a few days now. And I think it’s high time I jot things down in black and white. Hence, this post.

While I have completely succeeded in convincing myself that I’m not yet mature enough to get married, some of my acquaintances have gathered the guts to challenge this convention. I happen to find their stance extremely disturbing and bloodcurdling!

So, why does one want to get married? Isn’t life so great without it? I mean, I’m fine with having a relationship or dating, but marriage seems to give me very uncomfortable feelings. While I’ve taken some pains by thinking of the precise reasons stated by people for getting married, I’m just trying to offer some pragmatic solutions here.

Reason # 1: Companionship

Most people seek companionship. They want someone to talk to and confide with.

Solution: What are friends for? I think friends offer a greater level of flexibility and respect (compared to a husband or wife) when it comes to sharing even some of the weirdest thoughts hovering over one’s head. C’mon can we tell our spouses every damn thing with complete forthrightness?

Reason # 2: Meaning

Most of us get married to find some meaning to life

Solution: Try books. If you consider yourself underdeveloped, you can even try movies. Still not convinced? How about hobbies?

Reason # 3: Belonging

Most of us want to belong to someone, have a sense of identity, etc

Solution: I’m sure you’ve never liked your family.

Reason # 4: Love

Many of us want to “fall in love”. Since very few of us were lucky enough to date someone during our sophomore years, luck didn’t favour the majority of us. So, marriage is the only option.

Solution: Wake up and smell the coffee! Are you still into Mills and Boon?

Reason # 5: Want to try something new

Solution: Haven’t you heard of the iphone?

Reason # 6: Society

Most people are worried about what the society will think of them if they don’t get married.

Solution: **** society.

Reason # 7: Pleasure

Most of the people lead such morbid lifestyles that they have been completely deprived of pleasure. And they seek it through marriage – either by staring endlessly at the Taj Mahal together or by kicking each other’s butts.

Solution: I’m sure you have never heard of Idukki grass.

Reason # 8: Parental Pressure

This is very true for most of the femme fatales in India

Solution: This is the only opportunity we could use for a very brain smacking, intellectual and logical debate. After all, every argument has two sides and no loving parent would want to enforce anything dangerous to their kids, if only the kids knew how to fight it out!

Reason # 9: Peer Pressure

This is very true for most of the handsome hunks in India

Solution: Can someone slap this idiot.

Reason # 10: Kids

A few of us get married in order to have kids – clean them, take care of them and raise them in order to see them become more like us!

Solution: Have you ever heard of the word ‘adoption’?

Reason # 11: Sex

A few of us are brave enough to admit that they want to get married just to have sex.

Solution: You must be joking!

Reason # 12: Law of nature

A few of us offer reasons like above before jumping into the sea. Their grandparents did it, their parents did it and so are they.

Solution: Have you heard of “Murphy’s law”?

Reason # 13: Experience or fun

A few of us take the step just for the sake of the experience or fun of it!

Solution: Have you ever been to an amusement park?

Reason # 14: The “I don’t know” categories.

These people don’t have an answer to anything that they take up in life.

Solution: Even I don’t know what to do about them!!

The remaining 33.28% of honorable men and women, gimme a big hug!!

~ by rb on August 27, 2008.