chapter twenty nine.

twenty nine makes me feel like a dog

twenty nine tells me that i don’t really believe in anything completely

twenty nine reminds me that all of you lied to me. all of you.

forget respect. twenty nine makes me worship women.

twenty nine begs me to cherish the last threads of money

twenty nine makes me realize that nobody goes to the convenience store for convenience.

they go there out of desperation.

twenty nine makes me think of the organization men, hidden persuaders

and the lonely crowds

twenty nine forces me to swallow the bitter pill of social thinness.

i can’t run away from it.

twenty nine tells me to talk less. do more. listen more.

twenty nine has my sympathy for the plot-less, mimetic realism of life. and pay cheques.

twenty nine teaches me that our ‘self’ is incoherent.

twenty nine wants me to believe in goodness. and karma.

on hindsight, twenty nine makes me proud of the mistakes and pains

– that built my deeper interiority.

twenty nine makes me believe that love is not about cultivating benign fictions, feelings & relationships

love is about paying the bills, your old man’s morning shit, the beauty of her mouth

in spite of the bad breath.

twenty nine wants me to cherish, every moment,

of the time getting etched on my face.

dear life, twenty nine asks for more. and less.

~ by rb on September 4, 2011.